Going Downhill, in a Good Way…

August 25, 2016 by

non-stop-flowing-in-little-river-canyon-jw-photographyBiking in the Colorado Rockies gave me ah hah that coincides with nature. After my first day out I got winded and fatigued from the altitude, especially after stopping for lunch (the margarita probably didn’t help!) On Day Two, I was a bit more cautious, not wanting to feel so sluggish.

As we headed out on the route, I felt like I was riding mostly downhill. Fun in the moment, but that way back was weighing on me. With each passing mile, I knew I had to save some reserve for the return. I even mentioned to my husband that we could go further, as long as it wasn’t too much more down hill. He said that although our path was rolling, we had mostly been biking up hill. He said he knew by watching the water flow from the river next to our route. I looked at the water and it was a fact, yet how come I felt like I was peddling down and not up??

Nature has a way of showing us truths, even when we think we know otherwise…

We turned around and sure enough, I flowed downhill on the path just like the river, with my gears shifting to take full advantage. It was one of those experiences where I felt like I got a free ride, with the wind at our backs as we rode uphill and now, on the way back, a nice easy ride home.

Life doesn’t usually work that way. Often there is the toil and then the payoff, certainly this applies to bicycling, hiking, or for that matter running a business, getting a project off the ground, raising a family—you name it.

Effortless experiences come around once in a while, especially if you don’t expect them.   And when you dip into a natural flow and rhythm, it’s pretty special. Savoring the experience makes it even better, which I did as I rode back to our hotel, not winded or fatigued, but feeling embraced by nature and all the wonders it holds.

As the summer comes to a close, think about what your moments have been. If you take the time to create an imprint, the recollection has more of a chance of getting filed with other long-term memories.

Ultimately our memories and related stories define us, so keep the good ones!

Filed Under: Beginner's mind Tagged With: , , , ,

Everyday Challenges Solved with 5 Quick Questions

August 23, 2016 by

take5

 

When it comes to dealing with life’s challenges, it’s easy to either get overwhelmed and jump the gun, or procrastinate and hope for the best. This is especially true if it’s a new situation that doesn’t seem to have an easy, cookie cutter answer. We want to use our instincts and move through life’s entanglements with ease, but instead end up mired or stuck at some half-way point as the problem lingers, causing further stress.

Let’s face it, on a daily basis we are barraged with choices. In today’s world especially, too many choices becomes part of the problem. In the last week I found this approach to be very helpful with a professional challenge (low summer enrollment), as well as in my home life (summer mom stuff with teens—need I say more?). It is versatile and anyone can do it.

First, put into one sentence the scenario you are struggling with. Once you have something tangible in mind, make it as concrete as possible.

Then ask these five simple questions:

  1. What is the best possible outcome?
  2. What is the worst possible outcome?
  3. What is the most likely outcome?
  4. Keeping #3 in mind, what is a reasonable step-by-step plan *you can do going forward?
  5. Once you begin the plan, what are the lessons learned for future, similar situations?

*Note, I italicized you can do in #4 because Take 5 only works if you take on the responsibility and action and not put it on someone else to solve.

What is especially fruitful about this sequence of questions is it can be applied to almost any problem. And this approach keeps us in a more neutral zone, away from over reaction and made up stories that we find ourselves imagining at 3am, when the reptilian brain is most active, resulting in distorted, worst case scenario thinking.

I also like this because it isn’t overly Pollyanna, yet allows room for positive thinking while also focusing on what’s most likely going to happen. This 5 step Q&A taps into our gut and gets us into a problem-solving mode quickly. Try it out yourself and see let me know if it works for you: julia@personalmasterycoaching.com

Filed Under: problem solving Tagged With: , , , , ,

Leaving Nothing on the Field: An Ode to Playing a 12 Year Old Game

July 26, 2016 by

140824201116-01-little-league-0824-horizontal-large-galleryI was out to dinner with my family after one of my son’s high school baseball games.  We had a great win and were celebrating when a text came from my son’s coach saying congratulations and how he had played a 12 year old’s game.  That was intriguing to me, so I asked what exactly was that?  I guess it’s a common adage in baseball and means you get to play it all (pitch, hit, field) and leave nothing on the field.  12 year olds in Little League get that feeling on good days, when they get to pitch, catch, play infield, outfield and hit over-the- fence home runs.  It’s a beautiful thing, when the game is simpler and offers more joy on long spring evenings.

And then those 12 year old moments begin to become rarer, as players age and get identified in specific positions, playing out the roles expected of them. Basically real life, “adult stuff.”  High school ball models this kind of hierarchy in many ways, with pecking orders, defined roles and formal/informal leadership. But once in a while you get that old feeling back, when magic happens and roles expand and you hit one out of the park or pitch a shut out game, or both; leaving nothing on the field.

What are our own stories of hitting it out of the park?  What did it take to make that feeling become a reality?  Was it private or public, or a little of both?  There is a lot to learn from the mentality of a 12 year old’s approach, being fearless and loose, with nothing to lose.  It’s expanding rather than contracting, and also a lot of fun.  I would argue that when roles get too narrowly defined and expectations become pre-scripted, the joy begins to dissolve and can begin to feel more like drudgery.

So it’s a conundrum, as we sort out our own inner 12 year old spirit and spunk. My guess is it’s still there, waiting to come out and play.  Try exploring how your own personal narrative helps you to reflect back and look forward.  Ask yourself some questions, for example:

  1. When was the last time you felt you hit it out of the park?  Was it through work, sports, school, or something deeply personal you overcame?
  2. Take yourself back to that moment in time.  Explore your senses to appreciate how it felt to be on top of the world.  Describe these feelings in more detail.
  3. Write a story about this experience, coming from the voice of the age you were when it happened.  Play close attention to not judging this narrative, as you may have been more naive and hopeful back then.
  4. Find something presently you would like to aim for, that feels like you would be playing up, say to a 12 year old level with that swagger and fearlessness.  Set a goal that has a date and approach this priority with joy and fun and tell someone your plan so you have accountability.

I’d love to hear about it.  I will be sharing mine soon, after I finish my own assignment.  Send me your 12 year old story at julia@personalmasterycoaching.com

 

Filed Under: Life Balance, Optimism, Uncategorized, your life story Tagged With: , , , ,

“Do the Opposite and See How That Feels…”

April 8, 2016 by

10448789-Dance-action-in-a-disco-club-group-of-friends-men-and-women-of-different-ethnicity-dancing-to-the-mu-Stock-Photo

I was in a class recently called “Happy Yoga” and before getting on our mats for poses, the instructor had us dancing and holding up our arms to the song “I’m So Excited” by The Pointer Sisters. Not you’re average yoga, I know, and it turns out that song was the five-minute version… at a midway point my arms were tingling and aching for a break. I know I wasn’t alone. It was then when the instructor said something important:

“If you are used to quitting, hold on. If you never give yourself a break, take one.  The point is, change your normal pattern and do the opposite and see how that feels.”

Wow, that hit home for me. We often go on autopilot when it comes to our natural inclination to push or to quit. I think most of us are decidedly in one camp or the other.   It has to do with the challenge at hand, our self-efficacy and the wisdom to know which goals are worth accomplishing and which ones aren’t.

True, finishing this disco song with my arms above my head wasn’t even a goal I knew I had before the class, but it did awaken in me my self dialogue about how I push myself, even when the stakes are low. I believe there is power in changing certain patterns, especially ones that get in our way. Learning to adopt a more intentional approach, one that offers more choice and less stress is my takeaway from the class. I’m definitely a work in progress, shifting away from taskmaster to a kinder, gentler inner voice.

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Filed Under: determination, Life Balance, Time Management Tagged With: , , , ,

A Friendly Universe?

June 19, 2015 by

i-think-the-most-friendly-unfriendly-universe-einsteinDid you know Albert Einstein was a philosopher, on top of all of his other stellar contributions? He philosophized that the most important question you will ever answer yourself is a simple one: Is the universe a friendly place?

When I heard this question in a webinar the other day, I smiled, knowing my answer.  Think about it for yourself. Do you find the relationship you have struck up with the world around you to be friendly or adverse, or somewhere in between? Your answer is pivotal because by cultivating awareness, you can shift your perspective and change your narrative. Let’s face it, we all have a life story we are unfolding. And the universe plays an important role, as we either find flow or bump up against it constantly. The dance is a give and take and offers us information that can help to guide us along in the journey.

Do you some examples that represent how friendly the universe is? I have many. Just today I experienced such a moment. I had misplaced my vehicle registration and knew I needed it for my son’s second behind-the-wheel test (he didn’t pass the first time—I am thinking this was also a friendly sign, but I digress…) So I ransacked and didn’t have any luck. Then today I went to my mailbox and there was my registration in its old, opened envelope. Yes, a simple example, but most of life is made up of these kind of smaller moments. And “the universe” comes in many forms, from a stranger, to an inanimate object, to what can look like fate blowing through to shift everything. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Creativity, Optimism, positivity Tagged With: , , , ,

Retirement Planning 101: Living a Leisurely Lifestyle

April 7, 2015 by

slider6“We are at our very best, and we are happiest,

when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy,

on the journey toward the goal we’ve established for ourselves.

It gives meaning to our time off and comfort to our sleep.

It makes everything else in life so wonderful, so worthwhile.”

                                                                                       ~Earl Nightingale

This quote describes the idea of contrasts and why it’s important to have engagement, be it in work life or in retirement. Living a leisurely lifestyle is very different than living a life of leisure, where retirement is not about substance and instead is either rest or play. Sure, at first when people retire they often answer the question about what they are going to do next, with this simple response, “As little as possible.”

The art of doing nothing can be wonderful at first. Just being and not doing is good for the soul and it is a natural early phase related to retirement. It can last a few weeks, a few months and for some, this life of leisure never ends.

However, for most in the Baby Boomer generation, the paradigm is shifting.   Purpose and meaning, a reason to jump out of bed in the morning, has become an expectation in retirement. I know a retiree who comes to my son’s high school baseball field to barbeque hot dogs and hamburgers every home game.   We all look forward to seeing him as he engages with parents and players over barbeque and baseball. He tells me his wife is involved with rescue dogs and this is his thing, and they both couldn’t be happier. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Life Transitions, Retirement Planning Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Outliers in an Age of Technology

January 27, 2015 by

“In an age of speed, I begin to think, nothing could be more invigorating than going slow.  In an age of distraction, nothing could feel more luxurious than paying attention.  And in an age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still.” ~ Pico Iyer

slowdownThis morning I listened to a new song on the radio about being still in the company of another person.   There was a break in the song, lasting only a second or so, but definitely “radio silence” and I thought it was over, then the song resumed and it made me think what a creative choice the musician made by inserting stillness into his music.

How often do any of us get still these days in the age of an over-stimulated society, where technology often trumps eye contact and conversation? It’s something I hear more about these days as I notice the frequency of Smart phones and other devices taking up our attention. I have a pet peeve about going to restaurants and observing groups together for a meal, yet each is otherwise engaged on their cell phone texting, checking social media or news, and generally being somewhere else but with each other.

There is a balance and I keep hoping it will one day be considered somewhat impolite to bring out a phone in the company of others. Right now, the pendulum is so far over in the other direction, yet I see signs that it is possible to shift culturally. We have to be the change we want to see, as wisdom tells us. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Outliers and Technology Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Time Management is Energy Management

September 29, 2014 by

iStock_000017987518XSmall-300x300 (1)There is an energy account in us all and we feed it and drain it daily. When we think about each day and how we live it, here is a revealing and intentional question to ask: “Where does my energy take me?” This can be a helpful tool in general and especially in times of life transitions, when there are more unknowns than knowns in terms of what will be next in life.

Simply noticing what grabs our attention and seems novel and interesting can offer clues about what’s inside that may need more full expression. We can go about our day not noticing what attracts us so it continues to stay hidden, or we can be more deliberate about our moods and pay closer attention.

Granted there are many shoulds and to-do lists that demand our focus. And life can’t be all about what grabs us in the moment, but often we are on auto pilot not recognizing when it’s time to reflect and make needed changes to fill our energy account up with pleasures and fulfillment.

There are key times in most of our lives when the windows of opportunity open, when we can switch gears and take over the reins to make new and inspired choices, big or small, that can impact the quality of life and create more well-being.

What gets in the way of managing our most vital source, our energy, are our activities and relationships that drain us. What are yours?

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Filed Under: Time Management Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Feeling Stuck or Getting Back on that Bike as a Metaphor for Life

September 5, 2014 by

determination “Life is like a bicycle:  you don’t fall off unless you stop pedaling.”~Claude Pepper

I was in a funk this morning and rather than look at my “to-do” list one more time and feel overwhelmed and distracted, I decided to take a break and go for a bike ride.

I hadn’t been on this particular hilly, strenuous ride in months, so that alone elevated my mood. Although I must confess as I was leaving I had the desire to be done already with the ride, to just feel good but not have to sweat it out and climb all those hills. I actually coached myself by saying aloud: “You can’t feel good until you do the work. So just start peddling.” It felt like a Nike moment.

And with that pep talk, I was off.

About ¾ into the ride I was feeling the hard work in my calves, yet my brain was in flow, open to problem solving and creative strategies that likely wouldn’t have happened sitting in my office. I felt stronger and engaged and ready to get back to reinvent my day. When I took that final decent into my driveway I was energized and grateful that I had pushed myself to get to the other side.

Getting to the other side of a goal or moving intentionally through a life transition is a lot of work. It takes grit, focus and emotional energy that can be both exhausting and exhilarating. Sometimes, like this morning, I just wanted to feel the exhilaration without the exhaustion. But we all know it doesn’t work that way.

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Filed Under: Fourishing, Self-Care, Well being Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Well Being 101

August 20, 2014 by

boardwalk on beach

“Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  ~Howard Thurman

Flourish is a book by Martin Seligman, known for his extensive research in the field of positive psychology. Within the book I found many takeaways including the acronym PERMA, which is a very helpful tool to build awareness around what encompasses well-being, or flourishing. Basically PERMA stands for Positive emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Accomplishment. It also happens to be shorthand for personal mastery, which is a happy coincidence since the idea around mastering yourself personally is at the heart of my coaching practice.

The word flourish, as defined by the author, explores what makes life worth living and builds on the conditions that make it so. Things like happiness, flow, meaning, love, gratitude, achievement, growth, better relationships—these all become foundational content related to well being.

The ideal way to create these conditions is through deepening your awareness and deploying your highest strengths, values and pleasures to meet the world with the gusto and flow needed to be mindful your PERMA. In other words, it’s not just one thing that creates well-being, it’s a series of ongoing and consistent patterns, a construct, that enables us to grow and learn our way into a life of flourishing. The book builds a framework to create a roadmap of self-discovery. If applied, your knowledge of well-being will give you the tools needed to break your “flourish code” and open the floodgate to more of what makes your life worth living more vitally and with greater purpose and meaning. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Fourishing, Well being Tagged With: , , , , ,