Everyday Challenges Solved with 5 Quick Questions

August 23, 2016 by

take5

 

When it comes to dealing with life’s challenges, it’s easy to either get overwhelmed and jump the gun, or procrastinate and hope for the best. This is especially true if it’s a new situation that doesn’t seem to have an easy, cookie cutter answer. We want to use our instincts and move through life’s entanglements with ease, but instead end up mired or stuck at some half-way point as the problem lingers, causing further stress.

Let’s face it, on a daily basis we are barraged with choices. In today’s world especially, too many choices becomes part of the problem. In the last week I found this approach to be very helpful with a professional challenge (low summer enrollment), as well as in my home life (summer mom stuff with teens—need I say more?). It is versatile and anyone can do it.

First, put into one sentence the scenario you are struggling with. Once you have something tangible in mind, make it as concrete as possible.

Then ask these five simple questions:

  1. What is the best possible outcome?
  2. What is the worst possible outcome?
  3. What is the most likely outcome?
  4. Keeping #3 in mind, what is a reasonable step-by-step plan *you can do going forward?
  5. Once you begin the plan, what are the lessons learned for future, similar situations?

*Note, I italicized you can do in #4 because Take 5 only works if you take on the responsibility and action and not put it on someone else to solve.

What is especially fruitful about this sequence of questions is it can be applied to almost any problem. And this approach keeps us in a more neutral zone, away from over reaction and made up stories that we find ourselves imagining at 3am, when the reptilian brain is most active, resulting in distorted, worst case scenario thinking.

I also like this because it isn’t overly Pollyanna, yet allows room for positive thinking while also focusing on what’s most likely going to happen. This 5 step Q&A taps into our gut and gets us into a problem-solving mode quickly. Try it out yourself and see let me know if it works for you: julia@personalmasterycoaching.com

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From Time Scarcity to Time Abundance

June 1, 2015 by

medium_284995199-630x315“The Days are long, but the years are short” ~ Gretchen Rubin

As a coach working with clients who are in major life transitions like retirement, time is often a big part of what makes us feel anxious. It boils down to the perception of time: going from structure in the known world, deadlines, etc. (scarcity), to less structure, more leisure and breaks for the unknown (abundance.) With most of us, it sounds better than it is. With work, it feels like our time is accounted for, when we are on the clock, so to speak. This is true for entrepreneurs as much as it is for those who punch in because we are accountable to someone or something when it comes to our working life. As we shift away from the rigors of a career to become more in charge of our days, a new pressure emerges as we consider how to make this precious time count.

So, existentially, when every day becomes a Saturday, it can be daunting. Ask anyone who has gone through this reckoning and you’ll hear why it can be so hard to reconcile. It has to do with missing routine and social interaction, as well as a sense of purpose and even a loss of identity. Imagine that, all from a job and the time it took to show up and get the work done…

The trick to this whole conundrum is replacement and practice. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Retirement Planning, Time abundance, Time Management Tagged With: , , , , ,

Retirement Planning 101: Living a Leisurely Lifestyle

April 7, 2015 by

slider6“We are at our very best, and we are happiest,

when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy,

on the journey toward the goal we’ve established for ourselves.

It gives meaning to our time off and comfort to our sleep.

It makes everything else in life so wonderful, so worthwhile.”

                                                                                       ~Earl Nightingale

This quote describes the idea of contrasts and why it’s important to have engagement, be it in work life or in retirement. Living a leisurely lifestyle is very different than living a life of leisure, where retirement is not about substance and instead is either rest or play. Sure, at first when people retire they often answer the question about what they are going to do next, with this simple response, “As little as possible.”

The art of doing nothing can be wonderful at first. Just being and not doing is good for the soul and it is a natural early phase related to retirement. It can last a few weeks, a few months and for some, this life of leisure never ends.

However, for most in the Baby Boomer generation, the paradigm is shifting.   Purpose and meaning, a reason to jump out of bed in the morning, has become an expectation in retirement. I know a retiree who comes to my son’s high school baseball field to barbeque hot dogs and hamburgers every home game.   We all look forward to seeing him as he engages with parents and players over barbeque and baseball. He tells me his wife is involved with rescue dogs and this is his thing, and they both couldn’t be happier. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Life Transitions, Retirement Planning Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

A Proactive Key to Prepare for Retirement

March 17, 2015 by

Key to RetirementIn my coaching practice and with the assessments I give, there is an influencing factor that helps clients succeed in their retirement planning and that is the idea of replacement. Think about it, work is much more than a paycheck for most of us. In addition to financial stability, work offers many other rewards like a natural cadence or rhythm to our day, a sense of utility, socialization and, of course, identity.

Once we begin to think about our life beyond work, there is the realization that to meaningfully fill all those hours, it takes some thoughtful analysis related to how we imagine ourselves and what is realistic to achieve our renewed version of “The Good Life”. It doesn’t happen on its own and it certainly isn’t one-size fits all. To get it right for you, it takes some personal reflection, conversations with your significant other or those in your life you trust to be sounding boards, as well as some practice to see if expectations are in line with reality.

I will give you an example. The other day I was going over the Retirement Success Profile with a client in his late 60’s. Once he took this assessment and saw his results he got to work figuring out how many free hours each day he would now have to pursue his interests, hobbies and volunteer work. He calculated 56 hours to parlay into each week and looked at how much time he would ideally like to spend on each activity. We laughed when I asked him where his wife fit into all of this, since he mentioned family as one category and gave it only 8 hours! The point is, he thought about replacements and calculated his numbers and this is his start. With two more years before he fully retires, this first draft schedule will no doubt be modified, but he is on his way to figuring out how to find purpose and meaning during retirement. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Life Transitions Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Outliers in an Age of Technology

January 27, 2015 by

“In an age of speed, I begin to think, nothing could be more invigorating than going slow.  In an age of distraction, nothing could feel more luxurious than paying attention.  And in an age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still.” ~ Pico Iyer

slowdownThis morning I listened to a new song on the radio about being still in the company of another person.   There was a break in the song, lasting only a second or so, but definitely “radio silence” and I thought it was over, then the song resumed and it made me think what a creative choice the musician made by inserting stillness into his music.

How often do any of us get still these days in the age of an over-stimulated society, where technology often trumps eye contact and conversation? It’s something I hear more about these days as I notice the frequency of Smart phones and other devices taking up our attention. I have a pet peeve about going to restaurants and observing groups together for a meal, yet each is otherwise engaged on their cell phone texting, checking social media or news, and generally being somewhere else but with each other.

There is a balance and I keep hoping it will one day be considered somewhat impolite to bring out a phone in the company of others. Right now, the pendulum is so far over in the other direction, yet I see signs that it is possible to shift culturally. We have to be the change we want to see, as wisdom tells us. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Outliers and Technology Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Benjamin Franklin and Creating New Habits

October 28, 2014 by

 “Never leave till tomorrow that whichben_franklin you can do today”

~ Benjamin Franklin

I read this great book on positive psychology applied to daily life called, “Creating Your Best Life.“ At the end of this hands-on book there are several worksheets that I now use in my coaching practice, including “’Ben’ There, Done That.”

Benjamin Franklin was an inventor among the many roles he took up in his monumental life. He applied this creative mindset to his own re-invention, one habit or change at a time. He saw these self-improvement goals as character builders and looked through the lens of virtues to identify and focus on one major change at a time.   Journaling is how he kept track of his progress, marking an X each day he was able to use the self-control needed to meet his specific goal.

Ben never added a new goal until he was satisfied that he had conquered the previous one. This enabled him to focus on one thing at a time, adding more potency to his intention. Each goal took some time, but back then life wasn’t so rushed and I venture to guess that there was more wisdom around the adage, “slow and steady wins the race.”

Ponder for a moment the idea of New Year’s Resolutions. Why are most of these new best practices so often abandoned by month’s end? My suspicion is we resolve to change too much or make our resolutions so lofty that they become difficult to sustain. It’s also possible that we don’t put enough thought into what’s driving the goal and the long-term benefits we will enjoy if we keep at it. [Read more…]

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Time Management is Energy Management

September 29, 2014 by

iStock_000017987518XSmall-300x300 (1)There is an energy account in us all and we feed it and drain it daily. When we think about each day and how we live it, here is a revealing and intentional question to ask: “Where does my energy take me?” This can be a helpful tool in general and especially in times of life transitions, when there are more unknowns than knowns in terms of what will be next in life.

Simply noticing what grabs our attention and seems novel and interesting can offer clues about what’s inside that may need more full expression. We can go about our day not noticing what attracts us so it continues to stay hidden, or we can be more deliberate about our moods and pay closer attention.

Granted there are many shoulds and to-do lists that demand our focus. And life can’t be all about what grabs us in the moment, but often we are on auto pilot not recognizing when it’s time to reflect and make needed changes to fill our energy account up with pleasures and fulfillment.

There are key times in most of our lives when the windows of opportunity open, when we can switch gears and take over the reins to make new and inspired choices, big or small, that can impact the quality of life and create more well-being.

What gets in the way of managing our most vital source, our energy, are our activities and relationships that drain us. What are yours?

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Filed Under: Time Management Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Feeling Stuck or Getting Back on that Bike as a Metaphor for Life

September 5, 2014 by

determination “Life is like a bicycle:  you don’t fall off unless you stop pedaling.”~Claude Pepper

I was in a funk this morning and rather than look at my “to-do” list one more time and feel overwhelmed and distracted, I decided to take a break and go for a bike ride.

I hadn’t been on this particular hilly, strenuous ride in months, so that alone elevated my mood. Although I must confess as I was leaving I had the desire to be done already with the ride, to just feel good but not have to sweat it out and climb all those hills. I actually coached myself by saying aloud: “You can’t feel good until you do the work. So just start peddling.” It felt like a Nike moment.

And with that pep talk, I was off.

About ¾ into the ride I was feeling the hard work in my calves, yet my brain was in flow, open to problem solving and creative strategies that likely wouldn’t have happened sitting in my office. I felt stronger and engaged and ready to get back to reinvent my day. When I took that final decent into my driveway I was energized and grateful that I had pushed myself to get to the other side.

Getting to the other side of a goal or moving intentionally through a life transition is a lot of work. It takes grit, focus and emotional energy that can be both exhausting and exhilarating. Sometimes, like this morning, I just wanted to feel the exhilaration without the exhaustion. But we all know it doesn’t work that way.

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Filed Under: Fourishing, Self-Care, Well being Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Why Gentleness is a Pillar of Self-Mastery

July 15, 2014 by

 

“We fail to realize that mastery is not about perfection. It’s about a process, a journey.” ~George Leonard

The Closed Cafe

I was in a yoga class this week and the teacher suggested that to be able to personally master your life it is important to learn how to be more gentle with yourself.  That resonated with me, as a self-described achiever.  I equate drive and grit with productivity and high performance.  But there is a pendulum that swings and being too far in one direction or another can create imbalance.

So how does it look for you, as you consider gentleness and choices you make in your everyday life?   Where do you fall on that pendulum?  Do you know people who seem to have the natural ability to know when to push and when to back off?   Are you one of those people?  If not, how do you learn to discern and find this balance and trust?  This, to me, is at the heart of personal mastery as we learn and unlearn what got us to where we are now, knowing instinctively that some of our ways are no longer useful and need to be shed to make room for new (sometimes more gentle and less aggressive) choices that are a better fit. [Read more…]

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Time and the Power and Creativity of Mindmapping

June 26, 2014 by

 

“Time is our most valuable nonrenewable resource, and if we want to treat it with respect, we need to set priorities.” ― Albert-László Barabási, The Hidden Pattern Behind Everything We Do.

Business Hand Writing Career Mind-map on Technology Virtual Inte

I am a list maker. I have a to-do list going pretty much at all times. I break it down into Personal/Professional/Later this week…/Etc. I find that I am much more productive when I set the tone for the day and feel a real sense of accomplishment when I mark off each action item.

Time is the great equalizer. And, like most, I have mixed feelings about my relationship with the clock because I realize the importance of flexibility and I also know interruptions happen like clockwork. I admire people who can go with the flow, not make lists and still be profoundly productive and creative. I am just not one of those people. In order for me to feel productive as I approach each workday, I need a sense of structure. But there are limits to lists, especially when a big project is just getting started and there are many unknowns… [Read more…]

Filed Under: Creativity, Mindmapping Tagged With: , , , , ,