Leaving Nothing on the Field: An Ode to Playing a 12 Year Old Game

July 26, 2016 by

140824201116-01-little-league-0824-horizontal-large-galleryI was out to dinner with my family after one of my son’s high school baseball games.  We had a great win and were celebrating when a text came from my son’s coach saying congratulations and how he had played a 12 year old’s game.  That was intriguing to me, so I asked what exactly was that?  I guess it’s a common adage in baseball and means you get to play it all (pitch, hit, field) and leave nothing on the field.  12 year olds in Little League get that feeling on good days, when they get to pitch, catch, play infield, outfield and hit over-the- fence home runs.  It’s a beautiful thing, when the game is simpler and offers more joy on long spring evenings.

And then those 12 year old moments begin to become rarer, as players age and get identified in specific positions, playing out the roles expected of them. Basically real life, “adult stuff.”  High school ball models this kind of hierarchy in many ways, with pecking orders, defined roles and formal/informal leadership. But once in a while you get that old feeling back, when magic happens and roles expand and you hit one out of the park or pitch a shut out game, or both; leaving nothing on the field.

What are our own stories of hitting it out of the park?  What did it take to make that feeling become a reality?  Was it private or public, or a little of both?  There is a lot to learn from the mentality of a 12 year old’s approach, being fearless and loose, with nothing to lose.  It’s expanding rather than contracting, and also a lot of fun.  I would argue that when roles get too narrowly defined and expectations become pre-scripted, the joy begins to dissolve and can begin to feel more like drudgery.

So it’s a conundrum, as we sort out our own inner 12 year old spirit and spunk. My guess is it’s still there, waiting to come out and play.  Try exploring how your own personal narrative helps you to reflect back and look forward.  Ask yourself some questions, for example:

  1. When was the last time you felt you hit it out of the park?  Was it through work, sports, school, or something deeply personal you overcame?
  2. Take yourself back to that moment in time.  Explore your senses to appreciate how it felt to be on top of the world.  Describe these feelings in more detail.
  3. Write a story about this experience, coming from the voice of the age you were when it happened.  Play close attention to not judging this narrative, as you may have been more naive and hopeful back then.
  4. Find something presently you would like to aim for, that feels like you would be playing up, say to a 12 year old level with that swagger and fearlessness.  Set a goal that has a date and approach this priority with joy and fun and tell someone your plan so you have accountability.

I’d love to hear about it.  I will be sharing mine soon, after I finish my own assignment.  Send me your 12 year old story at julia@personalmasterycoaching.com

 

Filed Under: Life Balance, Optimism, Uncategorized, your life story Tagged With: , , , ,

The Tipping Point to Disrupt Aging

March 11, 2016 by

aarp6

Living Boldly at Any Age

I just re-read Malcolm Gladwell’s groundbreaking book, The Tipping Point.  It was on all the bestsellers’ lists a decade ago and for good reason.  Gladwell breaks down how ideas, trends and messages spread like viruses with the help of a very small number of special groups known as Connectors (relationship brokers), Mavens (knowledge brokers) and Salespeople (persuaders with clout.)  It’s takes what he calls the “Law of the Few” for something to become contagious and claims 80% of the work is done by 20% of the people.

Gladwell carries his contagion theory further, stating once an idea is spawned, the formula 80% (work) 20% (people) still applies, needing informal leadership and action from Innovators (Adventurers) and Early Adopters (Opinion Leaders). Then like wildfire, these ideas and trends spread to the masses, or as he calls them the Early and Late Majorities and Laggards.  

“The Tipping Point” makes sense to me, especially with cultural trends, which is where Disrupt Aging comes in.  This new book about living boldly at any age will be available in early April and I can’t wait to read it.  I forecast a groundswell movement to disrupt outdated stereotypes related to aging and I want to be both a Connector/Maven and an Innovator to help make this happen. And considering that 10,000 of us “retire” every day, we certainly have enough numbers and energy to power a movement.  The challenge is, we disown the “R” word and need to come up with another way to describe this next chapter, which has a lot more to do with creative living than retreating.  

So I am writing posts about it, creating and facilitating Re-Ignite groups, and working with clients as they embark on big life transitions, which I like to call The Second Spring of Life.  As we age and begin to consider what these extra 30 years can mean to us potentially, it seems to me that we have a huge opportunity never before seen in history.  AARP is part of this movement, with their campaign to Re-imagine life beyond 50.  Check it out.  We need Innovators and Early Adopters to spread the word and to role model that it’s cool to be older.  You in?

Filed Under: 60 is the new 60, baby boomers, disrupt aging, Fourishing, Life Transitions, Outliers and Technology, Reinvention, Well being Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

A Metaphor for Living Large: Setting the Bar/Barre

January 13, 2016 by

barresoul-196_23In the spirit of the New Year and thinking novelty + fitness, I took my first Barre class today. It was a blast. Lots of core, balance and elegance in the way the class was taught. I didn’t look great doing many of the poses and exercises, but it was a great workout and I will be back next week. I have only taken one other “ballet” class in my life and that was over 50 years ago and remains one of my earliest childhood memories.

Get this: I was four years old and finally convinced my mom to let me try ballet. In my first class I recall looking around at all my peers, you know, three and four year olds, deciding then and there that I was already too old to become a prima ballerina. It seemed all the other girls were much better than me, so in my little mind that meant I couldn’t possibly catch up. I told my mom I didn’t like the class, but deep down I felt too old to start something as serious as ballet! I laugh now, but truth be told, I have felt this “too old” feeling at various times in my life.

Have you ever had this tape or another “too this or too that”? My version has to do with age and experience. Now that I am in my mid-fifties, this tape has the power to become an even stronger voice if I let it. Instead, I am embracing the approach of engaging in novel experiences with a “Beginner’s Mind.” It takes letting go of old stories and opening up to new and different opportunities. January seems like as good a time as any to embrace this more conscious mindset.

Part of the challenge is being open to invitations that take you out of your comfort zone. For me, it’s about being open for more spontaneity while also planning ahead and calendaring in new activities, like the Barre class. I call it my Both/And Approach. Taking the black and white out of the story allows for a whole lot more fun and lightness.

It’s early in the year to give much of a report, but I will say in the last few weeks I have kayaked the caves of La Jolla, stood on an ocean pier to watch the King Tides show their majestic power with 10 foot waves crashing around us and taken a half day off to go play in snow at the mountains —Trust me, snow is a novelty for Southern California and if you miss it, it’s melted and gone. That’s how opportunities are at four or fifty four—you have to take advantage or lose out.

Filed Under: Beginner's mind, Fourishing, Goal setting, Life Balance, Self-Care Tagged With: , , , , , ,

A Sign of the Times

January 12, 2016 by

734650_10151430864545795_1701895666_nDriving to a meeting today I was struck by a hand made sign on the road that simply said “Spend Your Time Collecting Memories.”

This sign reminded me of a new habit I am working on establishing called “The Five Moment Memoir.” I saw it in a magazine some time ago, which was the brainchild of (then) unemployed freelance writer Sarah Beauchamp. I loved the idea, clipped it to save, and recently found it in my file so decided to make this a part of my journaling.

Here’s how it works: Instead of writing down five things you are grateful for (which I have done on and off for years), you write snapshots from your day. Simply think of five things that have happened in the last 24 hours—the highlights and the lowlights. The idea is not to sugarcoat, but to identify key moments to recall that represent “A day in the life of…you.”

I love this approach because I tend to not repeat myself as I often do in my gratitude journal (My family, clean sheets, the Great Outdoors, and yummy meals often make that list.) With this Five Moment Memoir I etch in my brain the day, defining for myself what five things make the cut, often savoring something I especially enjoyed.

It’s also good for me because it delineates the day and is really helpful because when I re-read these pages, I can recall with detail these experiences. I highly recommend if you have hit the stage in life (like me) when things start to merge together, i.e., “What film was it we liked so much last month, with that talented actress–you know her name?” An awesome film would make my list and when I write it down and then have it to refer to, it gets to another level of my brain and I seem to remember everyday life better.

This only-takes-a-few-moments-to-do daily memoir can also be therapeutic, as you decompress, ruminate, or appreciate something special. After all, life is rarely neutral, so your subjectivity will show up on these pages and that’s a good thing!

Filed Under: Fourishing, Gratitude, habits Tagged With: , , , ,

Live a Great Story

October 13, 2015 by

635695050015389976-1205142947_letter-to-meIn the car this morning I was struck by four words on a poster along the road that simply said: “Live a Great Story.” It stuck with me as I drove, thinking what an insightful reminder, to own the story and remember that we each have one that unfolds every day.

Our stories have key characters, plot lines and backdrops. Some of us are in the first act, with many unknowns as we are getting launched. While others are in later acts, when more is revealed and some story lines have to be cut or rewrites happen, when we create and refine to build momentum and change the story at some mid-point.

Joseph Campbell calls this A Hero’s Journey and he wrote extensively about what he called the Five Act Structure: Exposition, Rising Action, Climax, Falling Action and finally, the Denouement or Resolution. If we are lucky, we can experience several such journeys in one lifetime, being bold enough to start out in unknown territory, to answer the call to adventure, meeting challenges along the way—all the while learning and growing and becoming stronger and more certain of who we are and what we are made of. That’s part of the beauty of growing wiser in our years here on earth, as we realize how precious this one life is and if we live it fully, it can be enough.

There is this great exercise I have done before that really drills down to the essence of what we each want our lives to look and feel like when we are much older and on the downhill ride:

  1. Spend some time alone, maybe take a long walk or meditate and then think about your life up to now—the ages and stages that have defined you.
  2. Then pull out a piece of paper and begin writing yourself a letter today, but from your 80 year self. What would this wise person say to you? Is there an overriding theme you see emerging? What do you imagine you will know then that you don’t know now? How many new experiences will you have had to live before amassing the wisdom you hope for at 80? (Note: Be mindful not to judge or criticize. This exercise is meant to show loving kindness and compassion to allow you to impart wisdom from a deep place that is always there.)
  3. Tuck this letter away and make it a point to re-read annually, on a day that offers you significance

Life is a series of choices. In essence, these choices present our priorities and if we are honest and live authentically, we will have congruence in our words and deeds. I am feeling my inner 80-year old coming out right now, ready to write that letter!

 

 

Filed Under: Fourishing, Life Chapters, your life story Tagged With: , , , , ,

A Friendly Universe?

June 19, 2015 by

i-think-the-most-friendly-unfriendly-universe-einsteinDid you know Albert Einstein was a philosopher, on top of all of his other stellar contributions? He philosophized that the most important question you will ever answer yourself is a simple one: Is the universe a friendly place?

When I heard this question in a webinar the other day, I smiled, knowing my answer.  Think about it for yourself. Do you find the relationship you have struck up with the world around you to be friendly or adverse, or somewhere in between? Your answer is pivotal because by cultivating awareness, you can shift your perspective and change your narrative. Let’s face it, we all have a life story we are unfolding. And the universe plays an important role, as we either find flow or bump up against it constantly. The dance is a give and take and offers us information that can help to guide us along in the journey.

Do you some examples that represent how friendly the universe is? I have many. Just today I experienced such a moment. I had misplaced my vehicle registration and knew I needed it for my son’s second behind-the-wheel test (he didn’t pass the first time—I am thinking this was also a friendly sign, but I digress…) So I ransacked and didn’t have any luck. Then today I went to my mailbox and there was my registration in its old, opened envelope. Yes, a simple example, but most of life is made up of these kind of smaller moments. And “the universe” comes in many forms, from a stranger, to an inanimate object, to what can look like fate blowing through to shift everything. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Creativity, Optimism, positivity Tagged With: , , , ,

Retirement Planning 101: Living a Leisurely Lifestyle

April 7, 2015 by

slider6“We are at our very best, and we are happiest,

when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy,

on the journey toward the goal we’ve established for ourselves.

It gives meaning to our time off and comfort to our sleep.

It makes everything else in life so wonderful, so worthwhile.”

                                                                                       ~Earl Nightingale

This quote describes the idea of contrasts and why it’s important to have engagement, be it in work life or in retirement. Living a leisurely lifestyle is very different than living a life of leisure, where retirement is not about substance and instead is either rest or play. Sure, at first when people retire they often answer the question about what they are going to do next, with this simple response, “As little as possible.”

The art of doing nothing can be wonderful at first. Just being and not doing is good for the soul and it is a natural early phase related to retirement. It can last a few weeks, a few months and for some, this life of leisure never ends.

However, for most in the Baby Boomer generation, the paradigm is shifting.   Purpose and meaning, a reason to jump out of bed in the morning, has become an expectation in retirement. I know a retiree who comes to my son’s high school baseball field to barbeque hot dogs and hamburgers every home game.   We all look forward to seeing him as he engages with parents and players over barbeque and baseball. He tells me his wife is involved with rescue dogs and this is his thing, and they both couldn’t be happier. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Life Transitions, Retirement Planning Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Benjamin Franklin and Creating New Habits

October 28, 2014 by

 “Never leave till tomorrow that whichben_franklin you can do today”

~ Benjamin Franklin

I read this great book on positive psychology applied to daily life called, “Creating Your Best Life.“ At the end of this hands-on book there are several worksheets that I now use in my coaching practice, including “’Ben’ There, Done That.”

Benjamin Franklin was an inventor among the many roles he took up in his monumental life. He applied this creative mindset to his own re-invention, one habit or change at a time. He saw these self-improvement goals as character builders and looked through the lens of virtues to identify and focus on one major change at a time.   Journaling is how he kept track of his progress, marking an X each day he was able to use the self-control needed to meet his specific goal.

Ben never added a new goal until he was satisfied that he had conquered the previous one. This enabled him to focus on one thing at a time, adding more potency to his intention. Each goal took some time, but back then life wasn’t so rushed and I venture to guess that there was more wisdom around the adage, “slow and steady wins the race.”

Ponder for a moment the idea of New Year’s Resolutions. Why are most of these new best practices so often abandoned by month’s end? My suspicion is we resolve to change too much or make our resolutions so lofty that they become difficult to sustain. It’s also possible that we don’t put enough thought into what’s driving the goal and the long-term benefits we will enjoy if we keep at it. [Read more…]

Filed Under: habits Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Well Being 101

August 20, 2014 by

boardwalk on beach

“Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  ~Howard Thurman

Flourish is a book by Martin Seligman, known for his extensive research in the field of positive psychology. Within the book I found many takeaways including the acronym PERMA, which is a very helpful tool to build awareness around what encompasses well-being, or flourishing. Basically PERMA stands for Positive emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Accomplishment. It also happens to be shorthand for personal mastery, which is a happy coincidence since the idea around mastering yourself personally is at the heart of my coaching practice.

The word flourish, as defined by the author, explores what makes life worth living and builds on the conditions that make it so. Things like happiness, flow, meaning, love, gratitude, achievement, growth, better relationships—these all become foundational content related to well being.

The ideal way to create these conditions is through deepening your awareness and deploying your highest strengths, values and pleasures to meet the world with the gusto and flow needed to be mindful your PERMA. In other words, it’s not just one thing that creates well-being, it’s a series of ongoing and consistent patterns, a construct, that enables us to grow and learn our way into a life of flourishing. The book builds a framework to create a roadmap of self-discovery. If applied, your knowledge of well-being will give you the tools needed to break your “flourish code” and open the floodgate to more of what makes your life worth living more vitally and with greater purpose and meaning. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Fourishing, Well being Tagged With: , , , , ,